The Dark Night?...

Today I had a couple of moments with kids that made me question being in this field (Katie, please don't show this to Terry as I want him to remember me as one of his best, inspired teachers.) I don't know if it's a statistical thing, dealing with teenagers, if the business world or other fields are any different, but I feel like I am LIED TO with such frequency that I'm losing my faith in humanity. (How's that for dramatic?) Today I blustered to a kid "Do I look STUPID to you?" I was flabbergasted that he just so blatantly lied to me, this coming less that an hour after another student presented a twelve-paragraph article from the internet on Christopher Reeve as his own five-paragraph assignment for my class. Which is not due until next WED. - he was done early. RIIIGHT. I don't know how much more of the bulls--t I can take from my students, much less my colleagues (THAT'S to be expected.) I'm just discouraged tonight - a lot of nights lately - and I envy people who have jobs that they love, or that excite them, or that engage them... I want to know how people get those jobs, how they know what to pursue and how to get into those positions. Lately I can't imagine being in this school again next year, but the thought of leaving the financial stability of a regular paycheck and benefits... I know, I know. I'm miserable, but in this frame of mind, I can't even believe that I'm capable of anything else, or that an opportunity would even emerge. People struggle to find good work all the time. Why would my situation be any better? It just feels like I'm trapped, and I don't want to live like that. There's not a lot of joy in this place. I've heard of the "dark night of the soul" - maybe I'm in it. The holiday season and shorter days probably help to perpetuate my sadness. I found an old bottle of meds for depression with a refill date of late January. That would be about right, wouldn't it?

Well, speaking of needing joy - Nick and Jessica's holiday special just came on. If that doesn't bring me joy, well, I'm just beyond help, right? (a couple minutes of viewing...) Gosh, this is such drivel, I can't even have it on to make fun of. Hope you didn't watch it... (oh gosh. I guess this means I AM beyond help...)

I'm off to... read, find a movie to get lost in, sleep. Thanks for reading. G'night.