SO I'll go from silly posts to one of a more serious nature: I feel very alone tonight. It's Friday, not that days of the week really matter for me in the summer. I met a bunch of "girls" at Chili's tonight for my friend Melissa's b-day, and it was quite a crowd. Very fun, at times, raucous. The birthday girl seemed very happy. Hell, we all were. Afterwards, five of us went to the new Target behind the restaurant for a little beauty shopping - clothes, jewelry, shoes, and hair products were all that we got to. We closed it down at 10- the lights were dimmed as we walked out (now THAT's a good time at Target.) But leaving I felt sad. Sad that these friends have husbands, these friends love and are loved, these friends are drop-dead gorgeous and fabulous. And it's so hard not to covet. Not to compare. But I do, and then I feel bad about myself, and then I get angry with God because I think He's holding out on me, (so then WE have to talk) and now I'm just writing about that thing that people probably assume I think about a lot more than I actually do: being single. And not always liking it. I swear, I'm not even PMS-ing! It just hits me sometimes, and tonight being around my happy, beautiful friends, I felt the sting of being different. I do a pretty good job of hiding it, 95% of the time, I believe, and I know I hid it tonight. But geez- it gets tiring facing life without a partner to share it with.
And with that - I'm going to bed. Not feeling sorry for myself - just a little peeved, a little sad, a little hopeful (?) and definitely, a lot tired.
1 comment:
carlen, first off, and this is not your mother speaking: you are beautiful. drop dead gorgeous yourself.
second, you put debbie harry (much like i put debbie gibson) to shame at karaoke.
third, even if the aformentioned facts were not true, you would still be fabulous. because you're the real thing.
and i adore you.
i will pray the loneliness is filled.
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