Mountain Climbing

It's almost 6 pm, and I was just journaling (you know, talking to God), and I realized something. I'm going to this party that I've gone to every year the last 4, a Pre-Emptive New Year's party put on by my good friends Steve, Charlie, Matt, and Dan, and it is because I went to this party last year that I LIVE HERE NOW. Why is that? Some earth-shaking encounter that made me move back here from my sojourn in Greenville? No. But if I hadn't left Greenville just to come to this particular party, I wouldn't have decided to go to the substitute teacher orientation (just as a back-up if I DID decide to come back to Nashville), and then of course, an hour after I left the orientation, I was on my way to the Brentwood interview (and the rest, as they say, is history.)

So, if last year's party was that influential, well, oh my, what kind of pressure is that on this year's party? What will it indirectly cause to happen in my life this year? And parties - oh, I don't do well. I'm a terrible small talker. I tend to break off from the crowd and have deep one-on-one's with people. Or just escape to a window where I have a one-on-cigarette. Tonight's party feels like a big mountain that I have to climb, except I don't have any of the right gear (no proper boots on, no water bottle, no Power Bars) and everyone else is sponsored by North Face. Unfortunately, the jacket I have chosen to wear is RED, which doesn't lend itself to wall-flowered-ness. So - I'm going to try really hard to rise above the dark cloud hovering above (smothering me today) and breathe some fresh, clean air. I want to ignore the gaping hole I feel in my chest and just be... normal. Silly. Dancing with no care for how bad a dancer I am. Playing well with others. The altitude will be good for me.